A Lifelong Learner With a Reading Hang-Up
What is my relationship with books?
I’m a lifelong learner. I enjoy learning new things and sharing them with others.
I’ve read a lot of books this past year.
Most of the books I bought were engaging and worthwhile. But some weren’t.
When that happened, I didn’t simply stop reading. I typically pushed on anyway—as if finishing the book were some kind of obligation.
Have you ever felt that way, or is it just me?
That led me to a bigger question: What is my relationship with books, really?
How School Trained Us to Read the Wrong Way
When I choose to buy a book and start it, it’s almost like I’m committing to read it all the way through. Where did this attitude come from?
I suspect this mindset is a leftover from my academic years, when reading was assigned and tested.
In that world, books carried authority. You didn’t quit them—you endured them.
In that context, textbooks take on a kind of sacred meaning. I’m reminded of the scene in Robin Williams’ movie Dead Poets Society where he tells students to rip out pages from a textbook. They hesitate, and he reminds them that it’s not the Bible and they’re not going to go to hell for ripping out the pages.
But I’m no longer in that context.
There are no tests. No grades.
No consequences for stopping.
A Simpler, More Honest Approach to Reading
As I reflected on my approach to reading, I realized I needed a new set of default assumptions.
These are the ones I’m adopting going forward. You may find some of them helpful, too.
• It’s completely my choice what I read. If I decide to stop reading something because I don’t want to read any more, that’s perfectly legitimate.
• It’s okay to be honest with myself about how I feel about a book. If I start reading a book I had high expectations for and realize I’m bored and distracted, it’s okay for me to admit to myself that I don’t like the book and that I made a mistake buying it.
• I plan to pay more attention to book introductions. Popular writing teacher Ann Janzer points out that authors typically let us know what’s coming in the introduction.
A good introduction can “help us identify whether we’ve picked up the wrong book.” The Curious Reader’s Field Guide to Nonfiction.
• I’m not violating a moral code if I don’t finish a book. As in Dead Poets Society, I won’t go to hell because I stopped reading a book. It’s not a moral issue.
• Despite recommendations from friends and the media, I don’t really know what a book will be like until I start reading it. If I start reading and realize it’s not what I hoped for, it’s okay to quit. I value being an independent thinker. If I don’t get anything out of a book others rave about, that’s okay.
• Just because someone I respect thought a book was great doesn’t mean I will. We’re all different, with various needs and interests. I don’t owe it to them to finish a book I find uninteresting or unhelpful.
“Connecting with a book is so much about being the right reader in the right place at the right time.” Austin Kleon, How to Read Like an Artist
• Perhaps a book that doesn’t resonate with me now will do so in the future, or maybe it won’t. Books speak to people at different times and in different circumstances in their lives.
• It’s okay to switch from reading to skimming if I decide a section is boring or not relevant, but still want to see if there are things worth reading up ahead. It’s okay to read only the sections that I’m interested in.
• The time I waste forcing myself to plow through a book that doesn’t resonate with me takes time away from reading books that do resonate with me. Saying “Yes” to a boring book means saying “No” to others that are interesting and helpful.
“You have to feel free to skip books, quit books, or maybe even come back to them later.” Austin Kleon, How to Read Like an Artist
• I want to use my reading time more wisely. We all have only a limited amount of time to read.
Reading Without Obligation
Reading is one of the great gifts of a thoughtful life—but it’s not an obligation.
You don’t owe a book your loyalty simply because you started it.
Reading well isn’t about endurance; it’s about discernment. Pay attention to what engages you and what doesn’t.
When a book adds value, keep going.
When it doesn’t, stop without apology.
Then move on to something worth your time.
AI Note: I wrote this blog post myself, using my own words and thoughts for the initial draft. I used AI only to suggest headlines, section headings, images, and text improvements.
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