Do You Ever Wonder If What You Do Really Matters?
A friend recently told me she doubted whether anything she did really mattered.
I understood exactly how she felt.
I write two blogs a week with the intention of helping others through my writing. But in most cases, I don’t know whether I’m helping anybody or not. I get almost no feedback.
Sometimes I wonder if it really makes any difference.
I think a lot of us are in the same situation.
Financial Advisor and Retirement Coach Tony Hixon wrote in his book, Retirement Stepping Stones,
Most people struggle to see their own value. Even if you’re a confident person, you often don’t see how your life or your work impacts
the lives of others.
It’s challenging to have an accurate understanding of our own contributions.
Do we really make a difference?
There are ways to know. Want to find out how?
The Self-Worth Pendulum: Too Little or Too Much
Part of the problem is that we tend to swing between two extremes when assessing our worth.
When You Undervalue Yourself
Even when we experience some success, most of us experience impostor syndrome.
We feel like we don’t deserve success and that we’re fooling everyone. We fear that when we’re found out, we’ll be rejected and humiliated.
Even after years of writing, I still sometimes wonder if I’m fooling everyone.
Popular speaker and writer Scott Galloway has experienced this:
“With increased attention and recognition, a guy appears on my shoulder, whispering in my ear, Who are you kidding? You’re a fraud.” Notes on Being a Man
If you’re working hard and doing what you’re good at, then the recognition you receive is probably deserved. Granted, luck plays a big role in success. But so does hard work.
Give yourself credit for the successes you gain.
When You Overvalue Yourself
But here’s the thing—we don’t just undervalue ourselves. Sometimes we swing too far the other way.
This is the problem of the overinflated ego.
• On the one hand, there’s the overly entitled person—convinced they’re remarkable simply for showing up. They think they’re awesome and great just for existing, without accomplishing anything.
When kids are told, growing up, how “special” they are and that everything they do is awesome, it can give them an entitled arrogance that overestimates their contributions, which are few.
• On the other extreme, there’s the overbearing, arrogant asshole.
That’s the kind of person who has experienced success in life and claims all the credit for it, not acknowledging the other factors that likely played a part (like luck and the help of others).
As a result, they wear a size 45 hat and are egotistical and arrogant.
Four Ways to Better See Your Value
There’s obviously a need for a balanced understanding of our value.
You want to have a realistic understanding of your positive influence —not so you can have a big head, but so you can understand your strengths and build on them.
When we understand how we best help others, we feel affirmed and validated and do more of the same.
Awareness doesn’t come automatically—it takes intentional reflection. Here are four simple ways to better see your value.
1. Ask the People Who Know You Best
Ask friends, partners, or teachers (anyone who knows you well) what they think you’re good at and what they value in you. I know, it’s scary to do so—what if they can’t think of anything?
But trust me, they will see positives in you that you don’t give yourself credit for.
As part of a productivity course I took, one assignment was to ask several friends or relatives what they saw as my strengths and positives.
Hearing what they had to say built my self-confidence and understanding of myself. The things I just took for granted and didn’t value much (because that’s who I am)—they saw as real values.
2. Keep a Record of What’s Going Right
Humility doesn’t mean we refuse to acknowledge what we’re good at, what we’ve accomplished, or the successes we’ve enjoyed.
Instead, write them down. As popular author Anne-Laure Le Cunff suggests in her book Tiny Experiments,
“Write down any accomplishment that made you proud.”
Keep a list of your successes and celebrate them. As you complete projects, put them in a list you can go back to when you’re feeling like you’re not making any progress.
A list of accomplishments can help you balance the negatives you think and remind you of your strengths and how you make a difference.
3. Start an “I Love Me” File
Some writers I know keep an “I love me” file.
Austin Kleon, in his bestselling book, Steal Like an Artist, wrote,
“Instead of keeping a rejection file, keep a praise file.”
I wrote to the author of a book about retirement to let her know I found it particularly helpful and insightful.
She wrote back, expressing thanks for my encouragement, and said she had added my letter to her “I love me” file. When she’s questioning the value of her work or gets negative comments, she pulls out the file and is reassured that others find her work valuable.
4. Learn to Accept Praise with Grace
We sometimes recognize when something we do helps others or is praiseworthy, but we tend to downplay anything positive.
Our built-in evolutionary wiring makes us notice negatives three times as often as positives. Also, false understandings of humility sometimes keep us from accepting praise from others.
When you receive a pat on the back for something you’ve done, allow yourself to receive it. It’s OK to feel good about it and even add it to your “I love me” file.
Keep Showing Up. You’re Making a Difference
Every Christmas season, we watch the classic movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” It’s always inspiring to see how a man goes from planning to commit suicide because he thinks his life has had no value, to realizing the difference his life has made in his family, friends, and community.
Wouldn’t it be great if someone made a movie like that about your life?
You’d see clearly how your life makes a positive difference in others’ lives.
You may never see the full ripple effect of your actions—but it’s there.
Take time to recognize your value, accept praise with grace, and keep showing up.
You’re making more of a difference than you realize.
AI Note: I wrote this blog post myself, using my own words and thoughts for the initial draft. I used AI only to suggest headlines, section headings, images, and text improvements.
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