Why Role Models Matter
Most of us desire to become better people. We read books and articles about personal growth, and we think about how to improve our behavior.
Finding a worthy role model is one of the best ways to grow.
Over 2,000 years ago, the Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus taught, “One of the best ways to elevate your character immediately is to find worthy role models to emulate.” The Art of Living: Epictetus’s Timeless Wisdom on Virtue, Happiness, and Tranquility for a Fulfilling and Ethical Life, Epictetus and Sharon Lebell.
We Learn Best by Watching Others
Humans learn by watching others and then following their example.
Children learn how to act by watching their parents. They play dress-up because they see us putting on different kinds of clothes. They repeat what they hear us say and do what they see us do.
Real-World Example: Training Through Observation
The same is true for adults as well. For instance, if you get a new job, it’s much better to be shown how to do things and then imitate those things instead of reading a guide about how to do things.
A couple of weeks ago, we got some new summer hires at the Minuteman Missile National Historic Park, where I work as a part-time ranger. During the winter, I wrote a new employee orientation guide explaining how to open and close the visitor center and lead tours. However, showing them how to do things is much more effective than just telling them about them.
So, for instance, this past weekend, I took each of them on tours so that they could observe me doing a tour and learn how to put their own tours together. I also showed them how to turn on the park movie, change the date on the passport stamp, and obtain and record the attendance numbers for the day. Again, all of these things were found on the checklist I wrote, but it was much more effective for them to see how I did it, as opposed to just hearing about it.
I think this is one of the reasons why the MacSparky Field Guide series is so popular and valuable to those who want to learn the best way to use apps. In those field guides, David Sparks teaches by demonstrating, not just talking about the app. You learn how to use the app by watching him use it in screencasts, making it much easier for most of us to understand and use.
Success ≠ Goodness: Pick Values, Not Fame
To be effective, we must pick role models that exemplify the people we want to be.
Our cultural heroes often aren’t good role models. Rock stars, actors, and political leaders don’t necessarily demonstrate the characteristics we seek in our personal growth. They’re successful people, which doesn’t say anything about their character.
We need to look for those specific qualities that we want to emulate. As the Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca said, “We should develop a fondness for some good man and keep him always before our eyes, to live as though he were watching and act in all things as though he could see.”Letters on Ethics: To Lucilius (The Complete Works of Lucius Annaeus Seneca), Margaret Graver, and A. A. Long.
Role models need not (and cannot) be perfect—they are human, with flaws, and our expectations should reflect that. Emulating others must be about learning from their strengths, not idolizing them as faultless.
We don’t want to become someone else; our goal is to become our best selves. “Stop aspiring to be anyone other than your own best self: for that does fall within your control.” The Art of Living, Epictetus and Sharon Lebell.
Since no one person is complete or perfect, it’s healthy to have different role models for various areas of life. You might have one role model for creativity, another for mindfulness, another for their kindness, or lack of arrogance.
One of my role models is a tech friend. When I encounter a contentious person in a forum, I can calm down and respond appropriately by considering how this friend would likely handle the situation. Reflecting on his behavior helps me modify and control my own behavior, which in turn helps me become a better person.
Comparing Yourself to a Higher Standard
Another benefit of having a role model is that it can serve as a standard against which we can measure ourselves.
Seneca wrote, “We need a person who can set the standard for our conduct. You will never straighten what is crooked unless you have a ruler.” Letters on Ethics.
We have all become good at deceiving ourselves and making excuses for our behavior. We want to see ourselves in the best possible light. However, that’s hard to do when we compare our behavior with a role model we admire. Having a standard to compare ourselves against helps us see reality and the truth of our behavior.
That doesn’t mean we should beat ourselves up when we fail to live up to the example set by our role models. It’s a tool for more accurate self-understanding and motivation to live a better life. Gain a better understanding of yourself, give yourself a break as an imperfect human, and see how to improve.
The Mirror That Makes Us Better
The world’s full of people to copy—but not all are worth following. Instead of drifting toward the loudest voices or flashiest successes, look for quiet strength, kindness under pressure, or wisdom in action. Choose one quality you’d like to grow in—and find someone who lives it well.
A worthy role model doesn’t just inspire us—they sharpen us. They give us something tangible to aim at, someone to measure against, and a path to follow when ours feels unclear.
• Choose role models not for their perfection, but for their modeling of the values you seek;
• Consciously observe, analyze, and adopt their best qualities;
• Continually clarify your ideals and values, using your role models as guides, not blueprints;
• Above all, strive to live as someone whose presence uplifts others, and whose life you would be proud to emulate.
Pick one person this week—not perfect, but principled. Pay attention to how they live, speak, and respond. Let their example pull you a little higher.
AI Note: I wrote this blog post myself, using my own words for the initial draft. I used AI only to suggest headlines, section headings, and improvements to the text.
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