The Problem: Our Compulsive Checking
If you have a moment when you’re not doing anything, what do you do?
Is your first instinct to reach for your phone?
Many of us are addicted to social media on our phones.
Everywhere I go, I see adults staring at their phones and scrolling.
One study found that people look at their phones an average of 90+ times a day.
What causes us to act this way?
Often, it’s our Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO, that drives this addictive behavior.
The Digital World Is Built to Keep You Hooked
Every time we go to our phone and find something new, our brain rewards us with a small hit of dopamine. That encourages continuing and repeated behavior.
Social media is explicitly designed to exploit human physiology to hook you and keep you engaged so they can make more advertising money off you.
The news media are also designed to do exactly the same thing with exaggerated and clickbait headlines. They also want to keep you hooked in and “living in the news.” News addiction and “doomscrolling” are real problems.
We can easily get sucked into spending hours scrolling digital media without intending to. There’s always more to explore on the internet.
Notifications can also exploit FOMO.
Every app wants to send us notifications, some of which are valuable and many of which are worthless.
However, notifications often have a negative impact on us. As Chris Bailey wrote in his popular book, Hyperfocus,
“Every notification pulls you away… and reminds you there’s an entire digital world you’re missing out on.”
Shift Your Perspective: YAMA and JOMO
So, how do we gain control over this compulsive FOMO behavior?
1. YAMA, You’re Always Missing Out
One way to deal with that is to make a perspective shift and replace FOMO with YAMA, You’re Always Missing Out.
The fact is, we are limited, finite human beings. You can’t possibly know everything that’s happening in the digital world at all times.
It’s okay not to know about everything because you can’t know about everything.
As Anne‑Laure Le Cunff highlights this reality in her article YAMA: You’re Always Missing Out,
“YAMA recognizes that missing out is a fundamental part of the human condition… accept that we’re finite creatures in an infinite world.” Ness Labs Newsletter, June 26th, 2025
She’s proposing that instead of letting FOMO motivate you, you recognize that you’re always missing out, and accept that. That’s just part of the human condition.
We can’t possibly drink everything that comes out of the digital firehose.
Even if you spent all of your time trying, you’d still be missing out.
You don’t need to keep up. You can’t.
2. JOMO: Finding the Joy in Missing Out
Another similar perspective shift is that of JOMO, the Joy of Missing Out.
Recognizing that you’re going to miss out on most things, you can actually take joy in accepting that. Austin Kleon describes this in his book Keep Going:
Social media has created a human phenomenon called FOMO… The only antidote is JOMO: the Joy Of Missing Out.”
Gleefully enjoy the freedom of not having to keep up with everything.
Practical Ways to Break the FOMO Cycle
So, how can we implement You’re Always Missing Out?
1. Track Your Time: Your Screen Time Numbers Don’t Lie
Find out how much screen time you’re spending as a result of FOMO.
Apple’s Screen Time feature tracks your app and website use. There are also other apps available that provide detailed information about what you’re doing online, such as Timery.
You’re likely going to be surprised by how much time you are spending. It’s usually much more than you estimate.
2. Curate Your Sources: Build a Digital Diet That Serves You
So, how can you limit your time being driven by FOMO? Carefully curate and select your sources.
As Anne‑Laure Le Cunff writes in her YAMA, article,
“By accepting our constraints… we can choose from curiosity instead of anxiety, and discover that missing out isn’t the problem.”
One effective way to control your sources is by using an RSS reader. There are apps you can use to gather the blogs and newsletters you want to see regularly in one place. I use the Readwise Reader for blogs and newsletters.
Even if you use an RSS reader, you don’t have to read everything that arrives. You have my permission to skip and delete articles that don’t interest you, which is exactly what I do.
As Patrick Rhone wrote in his book Enough,
“As long as you are already missing out… you can get along just fine by missing out on a lot more.”
Selecting and curating your sources helps you to do just that.
3. Review and Cull: Delete What No Longer Serves You
• First, you can do it on the fly. When you recognize you’re not consistently reading a source in your reader, delete it.
I do this often in the Readwise Reader app.
If I recognize that I’ve been consistently deleting a newsletter for the past couple of months because I’m not interested in the topic, that’s a good indication it doesn’t really deserve a place in my reader. I delete it and unsubscribe.
• Second, do a quarterly or six-month review of the sources that you’re taking in.
This should include not just written sources, but also the TV shows you watch, the podcasts you listen to, and the YouTube videos you watch.
Periodically review your media, and cull out sources that have little or no value.
4. Limit Social Media: Reduce the Triggers That Pull You In
Apple has a Screen Time feature that you can use to limit your time on social media.
I have several groups that I regularly check on Facebook. To avoid getting sucked in by Facebook’s algorithms, I use Screen Time to limit my time on Facebook to 15 minutes a day.
You can also delete or hide social media apps on your devices to make it more difficult for you to access them.
If you impulsively open Facebook or Instagram whenever you have a spare moment on your phone, delete them from your phone.
You might want to leave them on your main computer or an iPad or something, where you know it’s more difficult, and you don’t have that device with you all the time.
5. Control Notifications: Turn Off the Digital Fire Alarms
App notifications can disrupt your focus and trigger FOMO.
You’re working on an important project and your phone or computer makes a “ding” sound and a banner appears notifying you that a new email has arrived. It’s almost impossible to ignore, so you click the notification. An hour later, you emerge from a rabbit hole.
Every time you install a new app, you get a dialog box asking if you want to turn on notifications. It’s tempting to click “yes” and move on. Hesitate before you do so and ask, are notifications necessary and important for this app? If not, click “no” and avoid the interruptions.
Sometimes, app developers can misuse the notification system. Instead of notifications being a way to let you know something important about the app, they’re really another form of marketing.
Get rid of those.
You can also control what notifications get through at what time by using Focus Modes on Apple devices.
These will screen out notifications when you’re in a particular mode, like work or sleep mode, so you’re not disturbed when you don’t really want to be.
You Don’t Need to Keep Up. You Can’t
Missing out isn’t a failure.
It’s part of being human.
When you stop trying to keep up with everything, you finally make space for what actually matters.
Start small:
• Turn off one notification
• Delete one app
• Remove one source that no longer serves you.
AI Note: I wrote this blog post myself, using my own words and thoughts for the initial draft. I used AI only to suggest headlines, section headings, images, and text improvements.
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