We Don’t See Ourselves Clearly
It’s not unusual for us to hold limiting beliefs about ourselves and underestimate our abilities.
We often fail to see ourselves objectively, and we tend to overlook the skills and characteristics we possess. We don’t think what we do is special because it’s just what we do.
However, other people can see the skills and potential in us that we don’t see.
Two Times Encouragement Changed My Path
Due to our self-blindness, words of encouragement from someone we trust can have a profound impact on us.
When I was in a graduate program in religion, a mentor I worked with suggested that I consider a Ph.D. program. I was surprised because I assumed I didn’t have what it takes to earn a Ph.D. Just the fact that he thought I had the potential was incredibly motivating and made me seriously consider it as a possible option.
When I was in the Air Force Reserve as a part-time JAG (Judge Advocate General, or lawyer in the Air Force), I considered volunteering for active duty tours where I would fill in for deployed JAGs. I almost talked myself out of it. I hadn’t been on active duty as a JAG, and I was concerned that my limited JAG experience would mean I was incapable of doing the job. I admitted my doubts about my abilities to the Staff Judge Advocate. She encouraged me to volunteer, told me all the things I did in her office that she considered valuable.
With her support and encouragement, I volunteered for several multi-month active duty tours, and they turned out to be great experiences. In fact, I count them as the most enjoyable and productive work that I did in my Air Force career.
Why Your Words Matter More Than You Think
Be free with your encouragement of others. Encouraging words delivered with sincerity and hope are incredibly powerful.
“Take a moment to encourage someone else. It may change their life and yours.” Todd Henry, Daily Creative: Find Your Inspiration to Spark Creative Energy and Fight Burnout
They can open up new possibilities, enhance self-belief, foster growth, and positively alter the trajectory of a person’s life.
Using your words with care and sharing encouragement generously might be one of the simplest yet most powerful ways you can influence the well-being and the success of others.
The Dark Side of Our Words
Conversely, words of criticism or discouragement can have a disproportionately negative impact.
Due to our negativity bias, we are more attuned to negative experiences than we are to positive ones. We can cause significant damage to others when we criticize or discourage them.
“We are far more affected by one word of criticism than by ten words of praise.”
Haemin Sunim, Love for Imperfect Things: How to Accept Yourself in a World Striving for Perfection.
Four Ways to Help Others Believe in Themselves
How can you encourage others?
• Listen. For encouragement to be effective, it needs to be personalized. Before you can encourage someone, you should understand their situation. Know what’s happening in their life, what struggles they face, or what decisions they are contemplating.
• Give genuine compliments. People often don’t realize their own strengths and skills. They may overlook the importance of their accomplishments because it’s just what they do. You can uplift them by pointing out their strengths and successes, encouraging them to build on those.
• Use words of encouragement and be a supporter. Be sincere when you motivate someone. Show them you believe in their capabilities and that you are there to support them.
• Express appreciation. If you receive excellent service at a restaurant, telling the server they did a great job not only shows gratitude but also motivates them to continue providing outstanding service because of your appreciation.
Be the Reason Someone Believes
You never know when your words will land at just the right moment. They can change the direction of someone’s life in ways you’ll never see.
“One word of encouragement, said with kindness and hope, can change a person’s future.”
Haemin Sunim, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down: How to Be Calm in a Busy World.
Let’s not keep those words to ourselves.
Today, look for one person to encourage—specifically, by naming a strength you see in them.
AI Note: I wrote this blog post myself, using my own words and thoughts for the initial draft. I used AI only to suggest headlines, section headings, and text improvements.
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